For an Estonian with an Estonian licence according to the Japanese autumn 2020 rules. That are about to change (country joining some convention or sth), because of course the admin will get easier After I absolutely critically will have needed to do it already. Hereby a note to dear old homeland - FU about not extending the driver's licences of your citizens just because they happen to live abroad for a bit... "No connection to Estonia" my ass...
In any case.
Find out your Estonian licence is about to expire and cannot be renewed as you have thus far presumed you could do because modern-digital-global-ID-etc nation.
Realise, that you need a valid foreign licence to exchange it for a Japanese one (if you've lived here for more than a year, if less, can get away with just a translation as long as your licence is still ok in Estonia). Panic, because whatever the process is, you now have two months to do the entire thing. Spend a few days going through websites trying to figure out what you need to do for the change (gaimen kirikae).
Get pissed off at being grouped with the countries having to take exams nomatter what and not the ones who just get handed the local licence after a few hours of admin.
Realise that out of the long list of potential driver's licence centers (one of which you have been specifically told to go to) is nonsense and you can only choose between two (Samezu and Fuchu), both of which are 1.5 hrs from home. One way. Due to contorversial info online, decide to just go there in person, wave documents around and ask what to do next.
Go to one (Samezu). Ask info counter on the ground floor where to go and what to do because the place is a complete mess. Get waved off by the woman saying they don't know anything about any documents. Follow their general grunt and a bunch of foreigners to the 3rd floor (if I remember correctly).
Stare a bit at the numerous different queues and confusing signs in the room, grab an official looking person passing by and ask for help. Wait in the correct physical line for an hour, at the counter show the first pile of documents you compiled based on advice from the internet (EST licence, residence card, passport, translation of the EST licence, photo taken within 3 months of a specific size...).
(Side note 1 - Thanks to a group of jolly Estonians visiting Kyoto a few years back and needing me to help them obtain their local temporary driving permits, I actually had the official EST licence translation already. Thankfully, they didn't demand I have one re-done inside Tokyo - I shudder to think how much extra hassle that would have been. In Kyoto it took a bunch of online research, a whole day and travelling to the middle of nowhere.)
(Side note 2 - according to M, in Tokyo the translation can be done either in the Embassy or in JAF.)
(Side note 3 - the required photo, by the way, is NOT the one that is put onto your licence, therefore the helpful photo booths on the streets don't produce the necessary sizes. Solution was, of coure, to chop up a random one. This picture is used to "label" your application in the licence office.)
Get told that you are now actually in the queue (the one from before, well, wasn't), it will take 2.5 hours and during that time you need to fill in the application for the change (1 smaller-than A4 with some basic information, took all of 5 minutes or so).
BUT, since they give you the residence card back, a time estimate and a call-by number, it is ok to leave the building. Apparently this isn't always the case (according to some of my co-examinees) who had just been told to wait on the bench in the same room until called. For 3 hours...
But in my case.. Get food from Lawson and go to the nice park nearby. Don't die of heat, enjoy food and sitting in an anthill.
Go back in, wait for number to be called. Submit the same documents again for the Actual checking.
Wait for some more hours. This time get told to under no circumstances leave the building because they have your residence card and it's illegal to be anywhere without it in Japan.
Get a drink during that time? (By that point all of it is becoming an endless haze of waiting, nonsensical rules and paperwork.) Sit on the floor because benches are full? Oh, did I mention, there is the bloody virus pandemic in full swing with all of those hassles to deal with...
Get called back to the counter and start proving that you're not a giraffe. A.k.a prove that you've lived in the country where you got the licence from for 3 months after getting it. (Not prove you've ever driven during that time, note.) How to do that? Show them your old expired passports so they can count the entry stamps. Well, Of Course I move around the world carrying my useless old passports along, it's not like every gram isn't counted when you need to pack your entire life into one suitcase. Try showing them pictures of the old passports mom has kindly provided - no go, they want the actual physical item. On top of that, Of Course Estonia pidgeonpost-stamps the passport every time you enter or leave the country, instead of doing that digitally (if there is any check at all, because EU etc), because I mean what is this, 2020?
So after some more hours of "checking" the about three pages, they conclude that you are allowed to have a limited beginner's licence because you're probably a crook and only got your licence in your home country 10 years ago so you could now come and ask for the Japanese one...
Oh, and then in the end you're kindly informed that, actually you are lacking another certificate needed for this process. You have to go to the City Hall of the respective part of Tokyo you live in and come back some other day, bye!
In the meanhwhile the hand-written note in front of the counter claims that the next available driving test is more than a month away - just before your EST licence is about to expire - meaning you'll have one chance to take that, if at all.
Since the format and the name of the required document is familiar, ask the counter whether it's the one you can print out from a conbini using the painfully-obtained-in-another-one-of-these-processes mainamberkaado. Get told that nonononono, have to go to City Hall because it has to have "Estonia" written on it.
Since by that point you're completely drained, have lost any thinking capabilities and just want to run as far away as possible, you will NOT go to the Lawson to test this "theory" of theirs out. Instead you dejectedly embark on the long journey home and mentally prepare yourself to brave the wonders of the City Hall the next morning.
And yes, of course the konbini version does exist, does have the country written on it and IS accepted by the very same counter the next day when you decide to go screw-it-all, skip the City Hall adventure and give it to them anyway. After many more queues and waiting and checking and being kept in prison inside the building for the second day in the row, that is.
Meanwhile, the previous night you have shuffled through the documents folder to find anything they would accept as "proof" of actually ever maybe perhaps having been in Estonia. Find that your Bachelor's diploma has a supplement with grades and end dates of each course. In English to boot. Score!
Show that, and after another hour of checking the page, indeed, it serves as required proof in the absence of passports, because the dates span 3 years. Not that, you know, remote lectures and international schools etc didn't exist giving you the grade on the official date no matter where in the world you are. But whatever - you now don't have to deal with the hassle of "beginner" driving.
More waiting.
Getting sent to another floor for an eye test where you don't know whether to speak in Japanese or English and whether to say midori (green) or aoi (blue) for the dot they are showing you in the machine (against which all the thousands of people are pressing their faces one after another... covid safety ftw), because it looks like a mix of the two colours. Also the traffic lights in Japan are labeled aoi-kiiroi-aka (blue-yellow-red), not green, like in the rest of the world, despite them actually being green in colour. Because Japan, that's why.
Eyes deemed acceptable. Waiting.
Then a call to the counter where you're informed that you now have to take the written test in the next room over. In 3 minutes. Well, fff.
Luckily you have clicked through a couple of online practice tests on the train ride to the office. And you even manage to convince the person in charge of that strange computer-in-a-cupboard stuffed behind the main counter they call the examination room, that NO, you want to take the test in English, NOT in Russian. Because Estonia is what exactly? A different country than Russia? Wow.
Click through the 10 questions in a few minutes, get 10/10. Because that thing is seriously meant for morons. Questions a la "Can you drive drunk?" and "Do you have to stop at a red light?". There are, however, also a few containing questionable wording, e.g. where is the line between braking, tapping brakes and slamming brakes and in which situation is it necessary to use which...
After that there is, naturally, more waiting, getting your original documents back + some extra sheets, running around between counters and floors (2nd and 3rd), paying a few thousand (2550yen as of 2020) to (probably) book a driving test, getting a plastic card etc. Just don't ask me what order all of that is in, by that point you won't be able to tell or remember either - quite a few hours have passed of that second day in the establishment.
The final task of the day is to book your driving exam. Second floor, poke the machine with the plastic card you got earlier, look for the next open slot in the month, find none, scroll to the next month, find your one and only chance to take the bloody thing at the very end of the month 8 AM. Your usual sleep schedule is somewhere around 2AM to 10AM btw.
You'll also be given a "map" of the five courses you may have to take during the exam. Stare at those incomprehensible messes-of-arrows, give up. Get yourself home, once again completely drained by the admin and utterly hopeless about being able to actually get the licence.
Use this quite a bit better map of the Samezu indoors driving course than that tiny schematic scribble with courses A-to-E (very recently changed from A-C, yey my luck) shown with arrows which have been given from the centre. To memorise all courses by heart, that is. Apparently some proctors don't bother giving you even the left-right instructions. A.k.a impossible to do!!! Panic.
After a few days of recovery, look up everything there is to find about the driving test, realize there really is no chance - foreigners on average fail the test 4-9 times, reasons being "driving too slow; driving too fast; turning too wide; turning too close; not bowing low enough behind AND in front of the car before getting in; locking doors and adjusting mirrors in the wrong order; NOT pressing the brake pedal exactly 3 times so strongly that the car shakes before a curve; breaking too roughly; NOT looking over your shoulder for 60% of the exam time; not having the blinkers on during the whole course (even if your designated turn is AFTER three earlier turns; etcetcetc". Plus, of course, a bunch of reasons for failing that actually do make sense. Some of those in a bit.
In summary - realise that you absolutely need to find a driving school to have any chance of passing. Choose EDS. Seriously - go EDS. After doing a heap of research about different ones, how to book and pay, where the practice tracks are, which courses you can choose etc, of course.
Book a session online, pay though Paypay app, be picked up by the instructor in the designated train station, have tons of fun talking to them (because cool person), arrive at the practice course, be amazed by the surrounding countryside, get put behind the wheel and discover that even though you did realize that the wheel and the gear stick are on the wrong side and that really isn't a problem, the fact that the bastards have switched the windscreen wipers' and blinkers' levers is absolutely totally insane!!!
At least the pedals are in the normal order...
Oh, and you are most certainly doing the manual transmission exam, because it never occurred to you to do anything else - I mean, if you can't handle a manual, are you really driving? Turns out, this part of the world considers automatic to be the default. You actually pay more for the manual training (and exam too, I believe). Weirdos.
So naturally you are also doing the driving lesson in a manual car. And are managing the gears, but getting completely overwhelmed and frustrated in the extreme by the automatically-wrongly-switched windscreen wipers. But since the instructor is just pure amazing, and suggests you switch to an automatic transmission car for half an hour to have less things to focus on all at once, this gets solved by the end of the lesson.
You will be like a wrung out rag by the end of the lesson, by the way, trying to learn all of that required stuff as fast but as properly as possible.
Book, attend two more 2hr lessons. Learn that your exam will have a bunch of winding twists and turns, the crank, the s curve, a 40km stretch, but NOT the railway nor the hill. Nor parking, unless you count the end of the drive where you will have to line the nose of the car with the indicated pole on the side.. just for the love of all that is holy, don't pass the imaginary line! BUT it really will involve a million checks (a.k.a staring over your shoulder, under the car etc).
Try to book the internet-promised test drive on the Samezu exam course to at least see it once, find out that this is not an option because pandemic. Restrain self from panickingly booking more regular lessons.
As a general preparation read-highlight through the local traffic book "Rules of the Road". Facepalm for quite many of the regulations. Also spend a while pencil-colouring printed sheets of traffic signs, because your printer only does grayscale.
And, naturally, learn all the Japanese words you can think of, that the proctor might think to use during the exam. Did you know, that left and right turn in Japanese also have special words that have nothing to do with the common hidari (left) and migi (right)? Well, now you do. As though being intermittently left-right-challenged isn't enough on it's own... (Heeey, I always point the right way, whatever comes out of the mouth... sometimes I just need to be told which left you mean. :P )
Next look up even more extra information about the driving exam. Realize that the "best" and only video material from the real test ground is this. Not all of the exercises "shown" are needed for the licence change, but they do come into play for other licence-related procedures. These are from 2019, so some things may have changed of course.
And sit through a bunch of videos of driving lessons, exam practice etc on other Japanese courses (just Youtube). Stop watching any media with right-hand side driving in it. (Because you did turn into the wrong side of the road in the second lesson. Guess whether that is an automatic fail in the exam or not...)
And do a TON of visualisation. From saying hello to doing the checks in the correct order to getting in the car to shifting to the blinkers to staring out of your back window for most of the drive to... all of it. Still be freaked out about some of the internet telling you to memorize all of the the exam courses - because there is no way you can. (Heads up - no point in doing that.)
Then the big day arrives. At 5 in the morning after 4ish hours of sleep, because that's when you have to get up to get to the licence centre in time. Eat, dress, quadruple check all trains and changes on the way there.
Upon arriving 10ish minutes before 8, find a bunch of different queues at the door. Ask the uniformed dude out front which one to stand in. Spend some time being scared by all the coughing and sneezing people and distracted by a chatty about-to-become-truck driver in front of you, before being led into the building in a neat duckling row (you see that a lot there btw, haven't mentioned yet I think... jeesh, this is getting long).
On the second floor you'll be separated into first-timers and recurrent examinees not by asking "who is here first time" or sth like that, but by "who has paid their exam fee". In Japanese and way up at the front so you won't hear or understand it and will end up going to the wrong floor. First timers, who have paid after their written exam, go to 2F, the rest to 3F to pay again.
Sort out the fact that you're in the wrong place, end up waiting on 2F skill waiting room 2. (There are 3 in total). The registration number you have, is also 002 so you will end up causing some confusion trying to lift some dude out of the chair marked 2 in the room because you presume you have to sit there.
That's wrong. In fact you all (12 people per room, the 12 empty seats hint at virus-induced-half-capacity, you being the only non-male and one of the two non-asians) will be given new random numbers by some official a bit later. The new number is 9 - meaning that you'll be the 9th to take the exam with that proctor and car that morning. You also already happen to be sitting in seat 9 after the dude didn't want to leave from no. 2. (The date, by the way, is 2020-09-29. Wish I had had the head to check the licence plate on the car...)
You will NOT be able to walk on the course before the exam, as some of the sources on the net have claimed - first you drive is first you see it. Some more wrong info you've been given is that there will be you, the proctor, a policeman and/or the next examinee in the car. Perhaps it's the virus changing things up again, but nope, it will be just you and the examiner.
But first you'll have your documents checked yet again (just bring everything you can possibly think of!), and get a short lecture about the test, including a lengthy defensive explanation about why the instructions are in Japanese, in Japanese. You'll now also find out which course (of the potential 5) you'll all be driving - C. Having done the homework, you will know that this is the one with the most long straights and the only one with two blind corners (because yes, you did spend a while colour-coding the routes to find their matching parts and make sense of the small scribbles in the first place).
Some more waiting and the screen at the front lights up with instructions: "person number 1, go to 2F testing platform" - which they do. After an unknown period of time (because by this point you'll be in total panic and really can't tell) they return to the room with sth resembling a receipt in hand - a pink one. But for the life of you, you won't remember, whether pink was pass or fail, and what was the other one - yellow or maybe white? And yes, you'll be in such a state of mind that googling that is an utter fail.
People go in.. er.. out one by one, except that after the first, only one returns to the room. Wait, freak out more and more, do breating exercises, go to the toilet three times, take more painkillers because you have a major chest pain from the anxiety, check all rules and order of things and checks. Shake all over due to adrenaline and sheer panic, watch the (as you have by now figured out) failed people pass the open door to reschedule their driving test - something you won't be able to do, go the exam one way or the other.
And suddenly you see number 9 up on the screen. Suddenly, because you somehow have been thinking that the chairs in the room are arranged the other way around and there are still people sitting on the left, so can't be your turn yet, right? (Because the fact that number 9 comes after number 8 is too tricky to realize...)
Get yourself out of the door, up some stairs, wondering as you go, whether it's the correct way in the first place. Luckily they have mostly closed off the places you could get lost into. See the mothership-sized car, the proctor, say hello, smile and switch to complete autopilot.
Next you know, you're back in the numbered-chairs-room, where a few visibly nervous people are still waiting to take the exam, a pink slip of paper tucked into the documents folder. You have passed.
(Trying to gather some fragmented pieces later you will remember that you talked a lot; said "hai" a lot; stared over your shoulder a lot; before getting in the car, did all the outside checks, despite the dude just telling you to get in, nothing else; you did ask him first, though; before starting the car you played around with the gearstick for a while and discovered that the thing is like from a freaking tractor - super long, goes to the front a normal amount but then backwards about a mile; you won't remember whether you adjusted the side-mirrors or locked the door or super-slowed through the second blind spot; but did the first one "as required"; you mis-shifted the gear once and got on the throttle too heavy one time; you most definitely did not look at the speedometer during the entire thing; you didn't manage to stall the engine nor run red lights, even though you did stop at a green once; and you probably waited at the stop lines long enough, because failure to do so would have been an insta-fail; no recollection of the S curve or crank, but reason dictates that you must have done both without hitting anything - another fail criterium; also the proctor DID tell you where to turn, there was no other traffic on the course (that you recall, at least), despite the descriptions of a crowded place that the internet provided...)
Fun fact - from getting it until they take it away again at some admin counter, it doesn't occur to you to actually look at what the pink slip says - maybe some mistake points or sth, who knows. In any case there is still plenty of the day left. First you wait in the same room until everyone has passed (4/12) or failed (the rest).
Then, in some order, there is more documentation; waiting; being called back by a more-or-less specific time; changing between 3 different floors and some rooms; having your picture taken; paying some more money (2050yen as of 2020); lunch; talking to another lucky passee (if this isn't a word, it should be..) to avoid falling asleep; translating all of what is going on to someone who doesn't speak any Japanese; standing lined against a wall as though about to be shot in a physical queue with strict instructions not to change places with the other 3 people; creating 2 pin numbers (which will get printed out on a receipt-sized slip of paper in front of everyone and that you're supposed to keep until.. who knows... also, they recommend 1234 or 1111 for both, apparently this is for the police to be able to check which country you are from because it isn't written on the licence... the f?); explanations in half-English-half-Japanese; waiting; and did I mention waiting; checking names; getting the actual plastic licence; and probably some other things before being allowed to finally embark on the last homewards journey...
The first part of all of that you will spend shaking from left-over adrenaline and going through your stretching regime right there amidst the admin heaven to use up some of the energy. The middle part will be characterised by being ravenous, smelling the food from the diner but not being allowed to go there (because admin), nor to eat the snacks from your bag because some areas have food-and-drinks ban. The last third you will be doing your utmost trying to not just curl up on the seat or the floor and fall asleep.
Because by that time the chemical coctail produced in brain is on a whole new level and will stay that way for at least two days of complete exhaustion and zombying around the rest of your life. Once that too is past, you realise you now have yet another plastic card to stash somewhere and, unless you really fuck up, you never have to go through that again.
Disclaimer: I refuse to be held accountable for lack of some specifics or messed up order of things in the text above - as the time period was spent under an incredible amount of stress, I'm surprised I recalled this much of the proceedings. If you do have any extra questions, though, feel free to ask, might jiggle something loose in the brain, who knows...
Cheers,
Hedi
